"The Silent Treatment" and Christians

                       

I have had the idea rattling around in this head of mine about writing an article on "the silent treatment." I've started writing the article several times, but I feel like I'm just dancing around the subject instead of getting straight to the point; so I'm just going to go straight to the point--I'm tired of seeing "mature" Christian women (and sometimes men) give other mature Christians the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, or whatever you would like to call it. I do not understand why not speaking to our sisters in Christ when we are angry, hurt, upset, jealous, confused, etc. seems to be an acceptable form of behavior in most churches. Please, don't fool yourself. "The silent treatment" is far from acceptable according to...God's Word.

James 1:19-22  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:  For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.  But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

According to these verses in James, we as mature Christians, are not to let wrath, which is internal seething anger, boil and fester inside ourselves. In most church settings, yelling and telling people off is considered at unacceptable, so "good" Christians learn to internalize their anger, and they have led themselves to believe that not speaking to those they are frustrated with is acceptable.  What has happened to conducting ourselves in the manner of Ephesians 4:32?   And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.  So many Christians are good at following the rules of their church, but they have forgotten to apply such simple truths as Ephesians 4:32.  What good does wearing a long skirt, buttoning the top button, working on a bus route, working the altar on a Sunday morning do, if we are not applying the most basic truths of God's Word to our lives?  We must not fool ourselves into believing that we are good because we are outwardly modest or busy at church. Real Christianity starts in the heart with the simple, basic truths that are taught to our children:

be kind

have a tender heart towards people

forgive

So when James 1:22 says to be "doers of the word," I'm pretty sure that doesn't only refer to being modest and being a soul winner.  I'm not downplaying either of those qualities, but the REAL works of God take place in the heart and are manifested outwardly. Being kind is something you DO. Having a tender heart should be something that is DONE not just felt. "Forgive" is an ACTION. 

Don't fool yourself into believing you are good because you follow the rules. Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" We all have wicked hearts that fool us into into thinking "I am good"; "I am better than others"; "My behavior is acceptable as long as I am going to church, reading my Bible, etc."  

Ask the Holy Spirit to make you sensitive to your treatment of other Christians. Sincerely search your heart to see if your spirit is judgmental. When you sense that you are guilty of mistreating your sister's in Christ, don't try to justify your behavior--it's time to hit the altar and change the attitude. Learn to say, "I'm sorry," even if you are not sure that you have offended someone, and realize when you are falling into the trap of emotionally abusing people, because that's what the silent treatment is.

Note to Self

                                James 1:19 says, "...let every man be 
                                     swift to hear,    

                                    slow to speak, 

                                    slow to wrath."

 Reminder to Self:
1. "Swift to hear"--Read my Bible with understanding and listen to the preaching with a heart that is willing to accept truth. Apply the truth's of God's Word to my life.
2. "Slow to speak"--THINK before I say it! Proverbs 2:23 says, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles."
3. "Slow to *wrath"--Give people the benefit of the doubt; that will keep me from passing judgement and jumping to conclusions.  

THIS is DEEP Christianity!

*wrath- Inner, deep resentment that seethes and smoulders. 

Learning to be Wise: Wise People "Hear God Speak" Through His Word (the Bible)

Do you want to have wisdom? One of the steps of receiving wisdom from God is to pay attention to the Word of God while you are reading or while it is being preached or taught and then apply the truths to your life.

 
 Proverbs 2:1-9:
My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. 

 Have you ever met a "professional student"?  I had an uncle who was one. He had several degrees that he worked on for many, many years in the field of psychology, yet he ended up with dysfunctional family relationships, and at the time of his death, most of his family did not even know where he was living. I have known other people who have had very little education, yet they have more common sense than most people could ever hope for! Just because someone is "well-educated" does not mean that they have wisdom. A person can read his Bible and memorize scripture until he is blue in the face, but unless he really hears and applies God's Word to his life, he will remain unchanged. What a sad fate that is for any Christian. Have you ever heard the phrase, "God's Word changes lives"? God's Word is definitely a life changer, but it will only change a life if the life wants to be changed!

"Christian" homes and "Christian" churches will continue to be wracked with critical spirits, strife, contention, and all manner of sin, unless God's Word is allowed in each individual to cause a personal revival and a change of heart that can only come from being truly open to the truths in God's Word.

Warren Weirsbe states, "It is quite one thing to know about the Bible and quite something else to hear God speak through His Word and teach us wisdom so that we may become more like Jesus Christ.  During my many years of ministry, I've met a few people whose knowledge of scripture was phenomenal, but who failed to manifest the fruit of the Spirit. 'Knowledge puffeth up, but charity edifieth.'"

Let the Holy Spirit speak to you through the preaching, teaching, and reading of that most precious Book ever written, the Bible.  As you "hear" God's words, pray that God will mold and change you to his will, and you know what? He will!

Learning to be Wise: Wise People Listen to Instruction.

          Proverbs 1:5 "A wise man will hear, and will increase learning";

      I taught college English for 9 years; I can tell you, there is a difference between looking at a speaker and actually listening attentively. The test results of my students proved that point very effectively!  Most people who sit in an audience do not realize what the preacher/teacher/speaker can see--usually he can see every face quite clearly; not only is just the face of each listener seen, but the facial expressions are usually quite clear too.  A speaker connects very rapidly with the listener who responds in a positive manner with his facial expressions because that person, unfortunately, is few and far between. The Positive Responder gives the speaker courage to express his points just as he had them planned. 
     Then you have the Sour Faces. The speaker tries to avoid those who obviously disagree or dislike what the speaker is saying.  The Sour Faces can discourage the speaker with a shake of the head or a pursing of the lips. Fortunately, the Sour Faces are usually in the minority.
     The other group is the group that is filling in the seats between the positive responders and the sour faces--that would be the average listener who is really paying attention on and off while they drift  in and out of their daydreams.  I think I'll call them the Drifters. 
     Most people are never taught to listen and pay attention which is really a shame. I took a class taught by Mrs. Carol Tudor when I was in college.  I remember her taking a few minutes to show the class how to pay attention--she was probably seeing a whole lot of Drifters during the class hour. She said that when we listen, we should do our best to keep our eyes on the speaker and listen with a look of interest on our faces. When something funny was said, we should laugh. When we agreed, we should nod our heads or smile. She said that our faces should take on a look of involved interest. 
     I took that advice to heart. I remember a time when I must have been a really annoying listener. I had a habit of looking at my fingernails while listening--I really was listening to a certain extent, but I sure must have looked disinterested.  I found that once I took on an appearance of interest, I began to retain more of the message being presented.
     I like to take notes while listening to a speaker because I don't have the greatest memory in the world, but I know that some speakers don't like for the listener to take notes because it can appear that the listener is doing more writing than listening. If your pastor or teacher likes for you to take notes, then feel free to do so; if not, then support the speaker and make them feel like you are on board.
     Listening is a characteristic that can be taught to children. Have you ever asked your child to get something for you and he comes back with nothing or something totally different?  Kids need to be taught to engage their brains when being spoken to.  Oftentimes, I have found it helpful to have my kids or even students repeat what I had just said to make sure they heard and understood what I was saying. A wise parent will train his child to listen, so that child will grow up to be a wise person and not a fool. Not listening is not a sin; but it sure is a bad habit that can lead to foolish behavior, and foolish behavior according to God's Word is a sin.
     We can all work on our ability to listen and when we do listen, really listen, to godly instruction, we will grow wiser.
    

 

   

I've been doing a personal study on the Book of Proverbs; especially on the topics of wisdom, the simple, the scorner, and the fool.  Even though I have read this book over and over, doing this in-depth, personal study has really been an eye-opening, convicting journey. I have so many notes that I thought I would break it up into little bite-size segments for anyone who is interested. I wish that I could say that I am now wise, but the more I delve into God's Word, the more I see I need to change. Fortunately, He's still working on me!

HOW TO GET WISDOM (this is good stuff!):

I dug into Proverbs chapter 2 for these nuggets on how to get wisdom, and you know what? Anyone, I mean anyone, can get wisdom; well, anyone accept the fool, the scorner, or the simple! Here are the steps that you can follow to be become wise according to Proverbs 2:

I. Memorize scripture--"Hide my commandments with thee."  

    I know what you're thinking--easier said than done! If you set out to memorize verses from Proverbs, they are very short verses that won't tax the brain too much. Write the verses on 3x5 cards and while you're washing dishes, sitting at a red light, drying your hair, or exercising, memorize verses. If you want to be wise, you won't skip this step.

II.  Listen to the preaching and teaching of God's word with purpose-"Incline thine ear unto wisdom."

     If your preacher doesn't mind, take notes. Come to church with a spirit that is ready to listen and learn.

III. Take what you learn from the preaching and apply it to your life.--"Apply thine heart to understanding."   

   Nothing about you will change if you don't apply the truths from God's Word. Real spiritual transformation comes from incorporating God's life-changing truths to your life. When necessary, come to your church's altar and confess any ways before God that are not pleasing to Him. There is something very special about those decisions that are made at the altar. I don't know of anyone who couldn't stand to spend some moments before God on their knees at the altar to make life-transforming decisions!

IV. If you want wisdom, make asking for wisdom an integral part of your prayer life.--"Yea, if thou criest after knowledge and liftest up thy voice for understanding; if thou seekest her as silver, and searchest her as for hid treasure;  THEN shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God."

      A. Fervently pray to God to give you wisdom.

      B. Ask God often and consistently to give you wisdom.

      C. Look for wisdom like a miner would pick at rock to find veins of silver or gold.

           1. You must work at getting wisdom by spending time studying God's Word.

                 a. Look up words you don't know in a dictionary.

                 b. Use http://www.merriam-webster.com/ --it's super easy to use.

                 c. For really amazing, authentic definitions, I like to use http://1828.mshaffer.com/ --this is the link to Webster's 1828 Dictionary which is known as one of the best dictionaries ever published.

     D. You must search for wisdom like a treasure hunter searches for hidden treasure.

            1. A casual reading of Proverbs is good, but an in-depth study is the way to really find those hidden    nuggets of wisdom that change your life.  

            2. Search for key words like: wisdom, foolish, scoffer, scorner, or simple. Use a good concordance like Strong's or you can even use a Strong's Concordance online to find these key words; I have often used this link which has a Strong's Concordance in it:  http://www.eliyah.com/lexicon.html