Be Nice-- But Don't Be Weak!

                                                                    

When Jessica was in junior kindergarten, she liked to wear her little girl jewelry to school--bracelets and necklaces.  One day she came home from school and said with a perplexed look on her face, "Mom, Suzanna said that if I don't give her my bracelet, she won't be my friend."
     I said, "Jessica, you're not allowed to give Suzanna your bracelet. Dad and I bought that for you."
     "But she won't be my friend!"
     "If she is really your friend, then she will still be your friend even if you don't give her your bracelet. Real friends don't ask for their friends things and then get mad when they won't give the things to them," I told her.  She seemed to understand, and I thought we had the problem solved.
     A few days later, Jessica was really frustrated after school. "Suzanna told me that if I don't give her my cookies from lunch, she won't be my friend."
     I realized that I needed to do more than talk to Jessica about this situation, otherwise she was going to keep having a problem.  Obviously I couldn't be there with her at school and stand up to the 5 year-old girl who was bullying her; I had to teach her how to stand up for herself. 
     I said, "Jessica, I am going to be Suzanna, and you are going to be you. We are going to sit here at our kitchen table and pretend that we are having lunch together. Now this is what I want you to say, when I ask you for something. Say, "No.'"
    Jessica looked at me and said, "But, mom, then she won't be my friend!"
    "That's okay, Jessica, because if she stops being your friend, then she wasn't your friend in the first place.  In fact, I'm going to pretend to say to you, 'If you don't give me your cookie, then I won't be your friend,' and you're going to say, 'Then your not my friend.'"
     Oh boy, this was really tough for such a nice girl to do, but we sat there and practiced.

     Me:  Jessica, I really like those kind of cookies that you have. Can I have one?
     Jessica:  No.  (She giggled as she played her role)
     Me:  If you don't give me that cookie, I won't be your friend.
     Jessica:  (She struggled to get the words firmly out of her mouth) Then...you're not...my...friend.

      I could tell it was hard for her to sound firm, so we practiced over and over until she could say those words with confidence. I had to assure her that she was not being mean to her friend; her friend was being mean to her in making demands.

     My husband and I taught all of our kids to be kind to others, to make many friends, and to be friendly to everyone, but they all also had to be taught to live by principle.  They had to be taught that there are character issues that they should develop, and while we wanted them to be nice, more importantly they also had to be strong, moral, and ethical.
     The word "nice" is a very non-descript word that can pretty much mean whatever someone wants it to mean.  When I taught English, and I was trying to teach the students to use good descriptive words, I would often use the word "nice" as an example of a weak word. People say:

                                                              Have a nice day!
                                                              You look nice.
                                                              You're a nice person.
                                                              This is a nice meal.

     What do people really mean when they use the word nice?  If a young man asks a girl to go to a banquet with him, and she spends hours getting ready, and he responds by saying, "You look nice," she may be a little let down! In fact, she might get downright aggravated!
     Niceness is a good quality if by nice, we mean kind, good, or pleasant, but the word "nice" can have a weak quality to it.  The word nice does not carry the meaning of strength and courage with it.
     Did you know that the word "nice" is not found in the Bible one time?  The Bible does give many qualities that a Christian should strive for like being good, gentle, meek, kind, temperate, etc.  These qualities tell us how our behavior should be toward others, but the Bible is also full of examples of the strength of character a Christian must have.  Several times throughout the Old Testament, God calls on the Israelites to "be strong and of good courage."  Living as a Christian in a secular world, we need to hear the voice of God telling us to "be strong and of good courage!"  We need to teach our children to be strong and courageous so that others don't mistake their "niceness" for weakness.
     Even children who are growing up in Christian homes need the training from their parents that will teach them to be strong, courageous Christians amongst their Christian peers.  Peer pressure in the church and the Christian school is alive and well. The Bible teaches principles from which we as parents can become more specific with our children, and our children need for us to be specific! What are some things that need to be taught to our kids?:

• Kids need to be taught to say "NO" to sin-- alcohol, drugs, pornography, dirty texting, sending nude and semi-nude pictures of themselves or receiving pictures like that from others.
• Kids need to be taught exactly what sexual behavior is so that they are not deceived into believing that what us older folks call "necking and petting" is biblically unacceptable and is fornication. An example we gave our kids that drives this point home is that if they were married and found out that their husband or wife was kissing (or any other sexual behavior) someone else, would they consider that behavior to be sexual? If it's wrong to practice that behavior while married, then it's wrong before you are married.
• Girls and guys alike need to be taught what being "forward" means.  When James was in junior high school, a girl was giving him notes and shouting "I love James Whitehouse" on a bus full of girls and some moms.  When we found out about the girl's behavior, I was obviously concerned that this girl was being overly forward.  James was no longer allowed to accept her notes, and soon she took the hint and backed off.  When James was in college, a young lady was dating a young man.  They were known as a couple on campus, yet this college girl would send James text messages.  I remember when that girl broke up with her boyfriend and someone suggested that James date her. I thought it was a good idea too until James said, "I would never date her! I couldn't trust her knowing how she would text me about classes and homework and such. She could have gone to any of the other girls in class. She just sent wrong signals." Girls and guys are both very forward these days, and really don't have any type of dating ethics or standards.  There are such great books that can help in these areas, but parents really need to have heart to heart conversations about what behavior is acceptable and what behavior is not acceptable between the opposite sex.
• Kids need to be taught how to stand up for their friends and those who are "different."  Bullying is unacceptable in any walk of like, but if we don't teach kids when they are young to appreciate people who are "different," they will resort to the sinful behavior of bullying.
• The Golden Rule NEEDS to be taught to our kids:  Matthew 7:12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:  Kids need to be taught that they should treat others like they want to be treated.  For some reason, many kids and adults alike have a hard time putting themselves into another person's shoes.  They never develop empathy for others, so they develop a callousness of the soul that causes them to treat people in unethical and immoral ways.  Many times throughout a child's life, he should be asked, "Would you like to be treated that way?"
• Kids need to be taught not to cheat, not to steal, and they need to be taught to be responsible with money.  They need to be given different scenarios so that they learn how to be ethical and responsible in society. We have often talked with our kids about what we would do if we found a wallet with money.  Our kids know that the right thing to do is to take the wallet to the police department and turn it in. What should they do if they find a $20 bill by the side of the road? After looking around and making sure that the money doesn't belong to someone within sight, they then become $20 dollars richer!

There are so many more things to be taught that young people need to know and learn.  Parents need to watch for every opportunity to teach their kids to be strong, moral, ethical, and courageous Christians who are anything but weak in their everyday Christian living!

Be a Supermom!

 For some reason, my kids who are 23, 18, 17, and 14, could care less about any achievements I have had that don't affect them.  None of them ever asked to see pictures of me when I was 17 and the homecoming queen at my Christian school (one time seemed to be enough).  Never once have they inquired about why I was Who's Who in college.  They don't seem too impressed that when I stopped teaching, I got a plaque for being an outstanding teacher. You might think that my kids are hard to impress, until I tell you...

I did James' taxes, and he got a good chunk of money back.  He was mighty impressed!

When we were quizzing each other on Bible trivia the other day, one of the kids said, "You're doing a great job, mom! You really know your Bible!"

Keith got a new book and has been reading it. I was interested in the book, so yesterday I spent some time reading Keith's book. He came into the living room and said, "How far are you, mom?"
     I answered, "Chapter 9."
     His eye widened.  "How do you read so fast?"
     "I've had lots of practice," I responded.
     He smiled and looked proud of me.

A few years ago when James bought a video game called Medal of Honor. Four of us could play at a time, so we would take turns playing as a family.  That was a great game, and I even won quite a few times.  The boys were so proud that THEIR mom played video games and was actually good!

My daughter and I have always had great talks about everything under the sun. Just recently she said to me, "I'm so glad I have you to talk to."

When I made dinner last night, I used a cheaper product, and it really bugged me that the outcome didn't taste like I wanted it too, but as we ate, everyone kept saying, "This is really good!" and they all thanked me for the great meal.

Last week, the opening season for the Cubs was on T.V.  William is a huge Cub's fan, so I let him finish his school work early and watch the game. He was so happy and thanked me for letting him watch a ball game during regularly scheduled school time.

A couple of days ago, I cut Jessica's hair for her.  She has only ever had a salon cut once in her life.  When I was finishing up, she said, "I don't know what I will do about getting hair cuts when I get married one day."
     "Well, I guess your husband will have to cough up the money for real haircuts," I said.
     "I don't mean that--I just mean I know how to explain to you what I want, and you understand. I don't know if I can do that with someone else," she elaborated.  I took it as a compliment.

I know this is gross, but here it goes anyhow.  William called me into the room where he was watching another ball game.  "Mom, Max threw up in four spots. I can't tell what it is," he informed me with watering eyes. Instead of chewing on a beef bone, Max our dog had actually ingested quite a bit of the bone particles.
     I wasn't thrilled, but I had  done this a few times, and I had seen worse messes.  I got some paper towel and swiped up the nasty mess quickly.
    William looked grateful and said, "You really are a mom!"  I knew what he meant. Although he didn't say it in words, what he meant was that I'm a Supermom.

Although my kids are proud of me for accomplishments that I have had, if those accomplishments don't really affect their personal lives, they won't go around thank me for becoming homecoming queen in 1982 or bragging on me for getting second place on a writing project I did in high school. What really matters is what I am able to do with them and for them on a dad to day basis.  What makes me a Supermom in their sight?  Cleaning up dog barf; making a favorite meal; talking about issues that are important to them; taking part in the things they enjoy.  It really is that simple. In fact, it looks to me like any mom can be a Supermom!
    

Discussions on Modesty and Femininty

   

     When my daughter Jessica was growing up, we spent hours and hours discussing anything and everything while working in the kitchen together. Maybe that's why she still likes spending time in the kitchen creating delicious baked goods, and maybe that is why we still like having conversations that get down to the knitty gritty topics of life!  So yesterday, when we had to spend many extra hours at West Coast Baptist College in order for my husband and a good friend of his to work on James' car, Jessica and I went to the Great Awakening's Cafe and spent some delicious mom-daughter time talking about everything under the sun. I'm so glad I have a daughter who loves being feminine--and modest.  The fact that Jessica is feminine and modest was no more of an accident than her liking to bake and enjoying conversations with her mom. When she was just a little girl, my husband would take her shopping and let her choose dresses with his help. She always chose the poofiest of the poofy dresses. The test for her was if when she spun around in circles, would the dress "poof" out even more! She loved the frilled socks and shiny, patent leather shoes too. Now to be honest, if I alone had chosen her clothing, I would have chosen clothing that was of a more classic style--less showy, but her dad and I wanted to foster in her the desire to be feminine. As long as daddy liked Jessica's dresses, I was all for whatever they chose. Every year, I believe with no exception, Jessica was a princess for trick or treat, and we had such fun applying make-up on her face and making her hair befitting of a princess. As she got older, I encouraged her to curl her own hair and learn how to style it--if she needed another curling iron of a different size--no problem; if she needed hairspray, mousse, or gel, I made sure she had it. I cut her hair, and as she got older I let her cut mine. We still cut each other's hair. When it came time for her to wear makeup, we spent time studying which colors would be best for her, and I showed her how to apply the makeup properly. As long as daddy liked how Jessica looked, Jessica was happy, and so was I. Now all of this femininity was in moderation. We looked for adorable clothing at local thrift stores; make-up was to be natural and enhance her looks--not cover them up; Payless or Wal-mart would have to be "good enough" for our shoe purchases because that was what was in our budget. Jessica bought a sewing machine one summer with money she earned babysitting; she loves sewing her own skirts and dresses and putting her own stamp of style on her clothing. My husband had "fashion" role models for Jessica to look to when it came to how she should dress--her femininely dressed cousins, Jennifer, Linda, and Lacey and others were young ladies that we would point out to Jessica, "See how she is dressed? That is real beauty!You don't have to show anything to be noticed." My husband, being the great husband he is, always told Jessica, "You can always look to your mom if you want to know how to dress and be pretty."  He scored big on that one!  Being feminine, modest, and pretty was a fun challenge through the years, and I'm so proud that my daughter caught what was being taught. I'm so happy that she is kind, and funny, and smart, and productive, and feminine, and pretty. Much of Jessica's attitude toward being feminine and modest, I owe to her dad. Yesterday while we chatted, nearly whispering, so as not to have our little conversation overheard by those around us, Jessica said, "You know, if dad had thought that it was okay for me to wear bathing suits or jeans, I would have." 
     "I know," I responded,"but your dad has always felt very strongly about how a woman should dress and be appropriate, and he has never shied away from being very blunt about how a man sees things. I really didn't totally understand how men really saw women until I met your dad."
     "Was dad always like that? I mean, blunt?"
     "Oh yes! Even while we were dating, he told me what he liked and didn't like as far as how women dressed, and he told me how women looked from a man's point of view," I answered.
     "That's cool," Jessica stated, and yes, I think it's cool too that I met and married a man who is so honest--even if his honesty is uncomfortable at times.
     When I told my husband that part of my conversation with Jessica, he said, "The only way that a daughter will be modest in this day and age is if a man is married to a woman who is willing to accept her husband's point of view and will back him up, but we live in a time in which in most households the women's point of view rules, and most women won't accept the reality of what is modest and what is immodest." He was talking about that much maligned word "submission." My husband was once again being honest while bragging on me at the same time, and that felt good. 
     Raising kids with real values and convictions is work. We spend and still do spend lots and lots of time really talking to our kids, and they have no problem sharing what they think with us--in fact, it's kind of like a family "sport." We always made time in a fun way to talk to our kids. Saturday mornings were always special. I don't know how it started, but without being scheduled, we would all wander into the living room first thing in the morning and have talks. I cherish those talks, and so does my husband and all four of our kids. The real learning about God, family, character, dating, friendships, and values took place during these "unstructured" talks that my husband and I have known would be vital if we wanted to raise kids that would be strong adults.
    

Teaching Kids to Pray

 


  Before I entered 7th grade, my dad felt the call of God to go into the ministry. He left a good paying job at the power company in Jackson, Michigan, and our family of six entered a whole new world.  Going back to college with four children was not the easiest road to choose.  My dad left a secure job, a nice house, family, and friends to pursue a life of ministry.  The college years were a lesson for the whole family!
    My parents were blessed to have friends that found a two-story brick house with four bedrooms and three bathrooms in Lynchburg, Virginia that actually fit our family budget.  Dad got a job as a manager at a steakhouse, and he also worked part-time on the maintenance crew at an old hotel that served as dorms for the college he was attending. My mom went to work as a secretary at Thomas Road Baptist Church.
     Even though both of my parents were working, money was tight.  As a family we had to scrimp in ways we never had to in the past.  Our house in Lynchburg had an fuel oil tank that was buried in the back yard.  The house used fuel oil as its means of energy for heat in the winter months.  The house also had a fireplace in the living room.  As our first winter really set in, the fuel oil in the backyard tank began to dwindle and eventually all of it was gone.  One cold, snowy evening, dad and mom nailed up blankets at the living room doorways, and dad prepared a fire in the fire place. The plan was to get out all of our sleeping bags and sleep in the living room with hopes that the blanketed doorways would hold the heat in. There was only one problem with the plan--as the fire burned, dad tossed the last stick of firewood into the fireplace, and none of us were even asleep yet!  Dad seemed unworried, but said to my mom and us kids, "I think we better start praying that God will keep us warm tonight."
     Without question we all knelt by the couch and began to ask God to provide for us.  I don't remember thinking that what we were doing was corny or stupid.  I remember that moment as being very peaceful and just feeling like dad knew what he was doing in asking us to pray. We hadn't been praying very long when we heard someone knocking at the front door.  My mom quietly got up while we all continued to pray. A moment later, she pulled back the blanket that was hanging at the doorway, and said, "You're not going to believe this, but there is a guy out here who has a whole load of firewood for us!"  The excitement that went through all of us was electric!  Sometimes when I tell that story, I still think that it sounds unbelievable-but it is true.
    God is a God who wants to answer our prayers.  He wants us to talk to Him and to ask Him for what we need.  When God answers our prayers, that is our moment to give Him all the credit and glorify Him.  This is a lesson all kids need to learn.  Kids need to understand that God is not a magic genie that they can go to and ask for candy, toys, clothing, and things that are of a selfish nature, but God definitely wants to meet our needs, and he wants for us to rely on Him.
    When our kids were much younger, I wanted for them to know what it was like for God to answer a specific prayer just like I had experienced. When our youngest, Keith, was born, all six of us were scrunching into our family vehicle.  My husband was teaching at Hyles-Anderson College, and I had gone back to school in order to finish my degree in secondary education. I felt that what our family really needed was a van, but my husband was already working a second job (third shift) to pay for my school bill, so going out and purchasing a vehicle was out of the question. I began to pray with the kids every evening that God would see our need and provide a van for our family.  Soon after, our old beater car that we had been driving finally gave up the ghost, and a friend of ours who was in the ministry gave us an older model Ford Taurus. The Taurus looked okay in spite of some minor rust spots, and it actually ran really well. The kids and I prayed and thanked God that even though our exact prayer had not been answered, God had provided. One month later while were all heading out in the morning, a car pulled out in front of us and our Taurus was totaled--fortunately no one was injured.  Not only was the car totaled, but the man who had been driving the other car did not have insurance. After dealing the police that morning and filing the report, my husband called his mother to pick all of us up and take us home. Meanwhile, my husband was mentally arguing with God. He told God that we could not afford to sign on the dotted line in order to purchase another car and become captive to car payments. He told God that He was going to have to get us out of this pickle. On our ride home, James who was only 10-years-old, piped up from the back seat of my mother-in-law's car and said, "Dad, maybe this is how God is going to give us that van!"  From the mouths of babes!
     The week that followed included one miracle after another. Several checks from people in our church were given to us. One of our assistant pastors left a check for $2,000 under my husband's office door.By Friday, we had $4,000.  We were told of another co-worker who had a white Ford Aerostar for sale for more money than we had, but when Daryl talked to him, he came down on the price, and lo and behold, we became the owners of a nice, clean, spacious van!
     There is nothing like building the faith of a child more than seeing his prayers answered.  Kids need to be taught to pray. Here are some things that kids should be taught to pray for:

• Salvation of family members and friends
• For money that they can give to their church--like Faith Promise
• For health of family, friends, and teachers
• For the needs of others
• For correct attitudes toward the things of God
• God's will 
• Future mates

   Kids should always be reminded to thank God for His provisions such a food, clothing, family, and home. When God specifically answers a prayer, teach kids to tell others what God did for them--this is glorifying to God.
   Kids also need to know that there is no matter that is off limits when talking to God. They need to know that God is a Friend who is always there and can always hear them.

   Ask God today to show something to you that your kids can pray for so that God can be made real to them! 

  

Sensitive Boys

   


I would just like to throw a little bit of motherly advice out there for any moms who might be raising a boy who is sensitive, and by sensitive I mean emotional.  I have 3 sons who are 22, 16, and 12.  One of my boys has a more sensitive spirit than the others, and as he has grown up, we have been very careful to be respectful of that spirit while trying to train him to control his emotions as he grows into manhood.
     You probably know if you have a son who is sensitive if he cries easily when verbally disciplined or he cries when he loses at games or maybe he is embarrassed very easily.  I know it can be frustrating when your boy cries about striking out during a ball game, and just as girls need to be taught to control their emotions, your son does too--and as he gets older he will more easily be able to control his crying.
I worry when I see emotionally charged mom's verbally and physically lash out at their son's in public (who knows what's going on in private).  Through the years I have seen moms slap their sons in the head; shriek at their sons; verbally reprimand  their sons loudly enough for everyone to hear, and otherwise humiliate their sons--AND I promise you, I have seen this happen in church to boys who are very young.
    1.  Moms, you have to learn how to control yourselves!!! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER slap or hit your children out of anger or frustration. I am not speaking here to controlled, biblical spanking.  Controlled, biblical spanking does not take place with loud, screaming voices and uncontrolled slapping and hitting. Biblical spanking takes place from a loving, caring heart that literally feels that "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you."
    2. Let your son know that his tears and emotions are God-given.  I have always told my son that God has given him his wonderful, sensitive spirit in order to feel for others.  I have urged him to be open to God's leading in his life, and to be aware when the Holy Spirit is leading him.  My sensitive little boy has grown into a young man who now wants to be preacher, and I believe that one day he will be a man who will be used of God to help people in a great way.
   3. Push, push, push your son toward his daddy.  Let him learn manly ways from the men in your life--your husband, grandpas, good men in the church. A boy needs the masculine models in order to know how to behave emotionally. 
   4. Let him read biographies of great men--presidents, missionaries, pastors, inventors, adventurers, explorers. Let him learn from great men, like a Teddy Roosevelt, how to overcome.  Teddy Roosevelt suffered from very poor health as a young man but was encouraged by his father to take part in sports and other very physical activities. Teddy Roosevelt overcame his physical weakness to become a great outdoorsman, leader of the Rough Riders, and president of the United States.
   5. My sensitive son loves sports--encourage your son's love of sports and other outdoor activities. I am personally fearful of guns, but my husband wanted our boys to know how to shoot, so I kept my mouth shut about my fears. Now the boys all own their own guns and enjoy target shooting very much--I have even been a few times myself.
   6. Encourage your sensitive son to love God's word, to love church, and to love preaching--you never know, those tears he sheds now may be tears shed for the souls of men in years to come.
   7. Discipline in private. If you see your son is misbehaving in public, pull him aside and quietly but firmly discipline him. Even if your son is little and he throws a tantrum in the store, leave your shopping behind, take him out, discipline him in private, and return to your shopping when he is in control of his emotions. I have had to leave many a cart full of groceries in the grocery store which was aggravating at the time but worth it in the long run!
   8. Uncontrolled crying is not good.  It will probably take many years for your son to learn to control his tears.  When the tears come for really no good reason, just firmly say to your son, "This is not a time to cry. You need to stop crying."  Give him a few minutes to gather himself, and continue to speak to him. He probably gets frustrated with his own inability to control his tears.

    You do not want to break your son's spirit.  As much as possible, let your son be close to his dad and let dad do much of the disciplining.  Of course, if you are the one who is at home when discipline needs to take place, then take care of the problem, but always use wise, biblical discipline.  Do not let your emotions lead you.
    By the way, as women, I think we should have more of a sensitivity to how it feels to not be able to control crying!  Let's be very careful to never humiliate our sons.  One day very soon, that little boy will be a man--and hopefully he will be a man who will rise up and call you blessed!

What's So Funny?

Did you know that on the average, a child laughs 200 times a day, and the on the average, an adult laughs only 15 times per day?

Do you like to laugh? I don't mean just a regular old, "Ha ha ha," but a good, old-fashioned belly laugh that makes your throat hurt and your eyes run with tears! I'm not a hilariously funny person, but my husband can be and so can my kids--at least to me.  My husband can mimic almost anyone. When he talks about Ronald Reagan, he sounds just like Ronald Reagan. When he talks about Bill Clinton, you would think that you're hearing directly from the former president himself. He also mimics John Wayne, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elvis Presley, and even Jesse Jackson just to name a few. My daughter Jessica is always very appropriate in public and although she is not necessarily shy, she doesn't always show her humorous side to just anybody, but when the mood strikes her, she can strike a totally ridiculous conversation in the most perfect English accent. James, William, and Keith all have their fair share of humor and wit too. I love to hear my newly turned 13 year-old son laugh from way deep inside while watching Abbott and Costello in the movie "Hold That Ghost." Keith's belly laugh makes Daryl and I laugh right along with him. Our whole family likes  to laugh and likes to look for the humor in everyday life.

Sometimes things just strike me funny. Like last night at church my husband was saying that we don't keep catalogs at our house. He said that during the Christmas holidays parents get the catalogs with all the toys in them, and the kids turn into "lusting freaks." I don't why, but the words "lusting freaks" just struck me as hilariously funny, and I could barely keep my face from contorting with laughter. As I looked around around me, I don't think anyone else thought that "lusting freaks" were so funny, but for some reason I certainly did!

Sometimes I plan to laugh on purpose. That's when I usually turn to something I know will make me laugh--like Christian comedian Tim Hawkins. I don't care how many times I have heard him tell the same bit, he causes me to laugh until my stomach hurts! I love hearing someone who is funny and family friendly. I also love the old "I Love Lucy" shows too. I have probably seen every episode of "I Love Lucy" at least 5 times each, but they never get old to me.

I have a couple of friends and my mom who send me funny emails almost on a daily basis. I love opening the cartoons, funny pictures, or humorous stories that they send.  I always try to forward the things that make me laugh out loud in order to share the fun.

Did you know that there is something called "laughter therapy"?  Laughter therapy is used to help people cope with chronic illness.  Laughter has been shown to decrease stress hormones, increase "feel good" hormones, reduce pain, and even help strengthen the immune system.  Laughter has been shown to decrease blood pressure and cholesterol, and it even helps people to deal with emotional distress. 

The Bible says, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine":  The medical field is now employing what God gave as gave as truth a few thousand years ago.  Isn't it funny how science always eventually catches up with God's word?

If you're feeling sick, or a little down, or discouraged, I would love to encourage you to laugh on purpose. Wouldn't it be so cool to laugh 200 times a day like a child does? Imagine what that would do for your health and for your emotions! I think I'm going to work on bringing a little laughter therapy into my life even more often!

I found this little gem today in my Bible today:  Psalms 101:2-I will behave myself wisely in a perfect way. O when wilt thou come unto me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart.

This verse reminds me how important behaving rightly in my home is to my family.  My testimony to my husband and kids far outweighs my testimony to any one else on earth.  My family is my number one ministry. I want my kids to remember me as happy, joyful, active, industrious, even-tempered, fun, funny, sensitive to their needs, and spiritual.

Several years ago I had a music tape by a trio called Heirloom. I memorized the words to this song and would often sing it to myself:

Up before dawn and out the door

What in this world are we striving for

We already have much more than our time affords

Struggling up the ladder offers us little reward

If we're heroes to strangers and strangers to our children

We won't stand blameless before the Lord.

He said, "Suffer the little children; for such is the kingdom of Heaven."

Oh, you know He loves the little ones.

 So mothers and fathers, let's follow the Saviour

And cherish the treasures we have in daughters and sons.

I would often recall this song when the kids were little because we had chosen for me not to work so that I could be home, and  we were financially struggling; and now I recall it when I think of the inheritance of the testimony I long to leave my children (they might not get much more! lol). Being a wife and a mom is a one-shot deal. I hate the stereotype of women being grouchy, silent, worried, and/or moody--even though we have all been there. I don't want to leave those images as my legacy to my family. Even when I get in "one of those moods," I need to realize it and ask God to guide me out of it so that I can be what I am supposed to be for my family--a happy mom!

Spying on Your Family Members

"Spying on Your Kids--How Bad is It?" This was the item of discussion recently on a prominent morning news program. My interest was piqued because I have three teenagers. I was concerned that what I was going to hear was going to be a liberal parent's discussion on the privacy issues of teens, but I was very happy that the conversation turned to the word "accountability."  Recently I read a story of man from Oakland, Michigan who is facing 5 years in prison for hacking his wife's email account to confirm his suspicion that she was cheating on him. She was cheating on him, but that fact seems to be beside the point. She apparently is not accountable for infidelity, but he is accountable for his "spying."

"Accountability" is a great word loaded with meaning. The definition of accountability is "being liable or answerable."  Mark 10:6-9 says But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'  For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. So many people come to marriage with the idea that they will still be separate in certain areas:  He has his bank account; she has hers.  She has her computer accounts; he has his.  I have even known of some Christian marriages in which she goes on her vacation; he goes on his.  When in a marriage we begin to separate what belongs to him and what belongs to her, we may end up not being accountable to anyone. The same goes for children in the family--children should always be accountable to their parents.

A marriage and a family should not develop secret areas. When we got internet in our home, my husband and I were VERY concerned that the internet was made as safe as possible for the whole family. I found a company from which I downloaded a very conservative filtering system; in fact, if anyone were to try to remove the filter, it could destroy the computer. Everyone in the family understands that.  Our teenagers are not allowed to get on the computer without our permission. My husband and I share all passwords.  What is mine is his, and what is his is mine--at any time.

My husband and I share a bank account. We have a monthly budget. If either of us decides to spend any money outside of the monthly budget, we check with each other first.  When I was teaching at a Christian college my paycheck went into OUR account.  Many women think that their husband's paycheck is both of their paychecks, and her paycheck is her paycheck. When two people get married they become one--the money should become "our" money.  

Our children have known as they were growing up that there is no space and no place in our home that is "off limits" to dad and mom.  They also know that mom is very nosy and will actually check up on them.  We have no hiding places in our home. No phone conversation is so private that dad or mom cannot listen in. There is not a note that cannot be read by dad or mom. We don't live in a house of suspicion because we have never set an atmosphere that allows anyone to develop a secret life. 

Families should not be allowed to develop a practice of compartmentalization. To compartmentalize means to isolate or split off a part of the personality or mind by a lack of communication between the parts.  Communication is of the utmost importance in every family. Mom should communicate to dad as to where she is going and when she can be expected back when she heads out the door and vice versa.  Parents should know who their kids are with, how long they will be gone, and parents should know what their kids are doing while away.  Husbands and wives should be accountable to each other as to who their friends are. If a husband is not comfortable with a friendship his wife has, the wife should respect the feelings of the husband and take appropriate action, and vice versa.  The husband and wife relationship should always be the priority relationship in a marriage. Never should the spouse feel anxiety or feel threatened over other relationships.

If teens are allowed to use social networking, parents should have access to the password; parents should check to see who the friends are, and parents should make sure that they are a one of the "friends" on the site.  All of these stipulations need to be hammered out before social networking is even allowed--that way everyone understands that "spying" is not going on, but "accountability" will definitely be expected by everyone in the home.

All members of the family need to realize that they are accountable to all the other members in the family.  No one should ever be exempt from being accountable. The idea of accountability needs to be taught to the children so that they understand how a family is to communicate to one another in every area of life. We can't pretend as Christians that we are mavericks who will do what we want when we want to do it. None of us live in a bubble. Our actions always have consequences, whether good or bad, and those consequences will always affect those we love.

How do you and your family stay accountable to each other? I would love to hear from you.

Grow Where You are Planted

When I got to church this morning, I dropped off the family and got ready to pick up two adorable boys and their mom so that they could come to church.  On this morning, my son William (16), asked if he could accompany me. We had gotten to church early which was good because we had to drop off some chicken and stuffing, and a lemon cake for the potluck dinner. I also had some last minute things to check on for our new 2-3 year old department. One of our sweet older ladies, knowing that I was doing a lot of printing at home for the Sunday school lessons, gave me a brand new package of copier paper which I put into my big bag of stuff that I needed this morning.

My purple and black bag was one that I used when I was teaching college. I often had it stuffed with English lessons and worksheets that needed to be graded. This morning it was stuffed with magic markers, coloring sheets, and new Sunday school lessons.

When William got in the van, he looked at the bag and said, "That makes me sad."

Obviously confused I asked him why.

"It reminds me of what we used to do, and I like what we do now," he responded.

We were not unhappy with our old life; in fact we enjoyed it, but it is amazing how God has worked in each one of us to make us even happier where we are--so much so, that when William saw my bag, it gave him a twinge of sadness. I have to admit, I was a little worried when we first moved to the desert; I didn't know if I could really be happy without grass. I know that sounds petty, but I had lived in the desert when I was a teenager. I didn't have really great memories of that time. God has allowed us to have a ministry here in the Mojave in which we are reaching people and seeing lives changed. There is a saying, "Grow where you are planted." I think our whole family has grown these past 7 months--right where we are planted--in the desert.

How to Prepare a Family For Sunday Morning

     Sunday morning for the average Christian family on their way to church is a time of peaceful tranquility....riiiight! Really I can only vouch for my family; sometimes, far too often, Sunday morning can be a chaotic time of searching for that one matching sock, waiting in line for the bathroom, and changing clothes a few times trying to find just the right thing to wear that doesn't need to be ironed! We have a busy family that likes to be on the go, so even Saturday preparation time can be limited.  Through the years I have discovered that just a few pre-Sunday preparations will save endless minutes and cut back on needless frustration especially when it is time to head to church in a worshipful spirit!

  1. Find tights, nylons, and matching socks so that there won't need to be a big hunt on Sunday morning.
  2. Do your best to hang up church clothing, especially men's and boy's shirts, right after they come out of the drier.  If they still need to be ironed, iron them throughout the week and hang them up.
  3. Have the kids get out their shoes and place them in an area where it will be easy just to put them on on Sunday morning before they head out the door. There is nothing worse than hearing, "MOM, I can't find my shoe(s)!"
  4. Clean up the dishes on Saturday night--you will be soooo glad you did come Sunday morning.
  5. Make sure kids know where belts, ties, and other church paraphernalia is.
  6. Have kids get Bibles out and place by shoes.
  7. I always loved the idea of a big Sunday dinner, but in reality it hasn't always been possible, and that's okay! Just make sure you have something planned even if it's Campbell's soup and grilled cheese.
  8. Have an idea of what you are going to wear and stick with it!
  9. I'm a big fan of cereal on a Sunday morning--it's quick and easy, and there is not much of a mess. Even toast and peanut butter is good, and when served on a paper napkin there is even less mess than cereal. 
 10. Take a few minutes to care for your husbands needs. Does have clean t-shirts in the drawer? Does he have a shirt ironed? 

It is very important to guard the spirit of the whole family on Sunday morning. There is nothing that Satan would like better than to have everyone in a grumpy, aggravated, less than spiritual mood. Take just a few steps, and you will find your Sunday morning to be a much more pleasant experience!

Thoughts on Kids and Death

     I know this is kind of a morbid topic, but I had a conversation this morning with my sister-in-law about her grandfather's funeral. We got into a discussion about kids going to funerals and the appropriate age.  I was 16 years old when my great Grandma Catzman died.  Grandma Catzman was closer to me when I was a child than my grandmothers. She came to visit us in Michigan (she lived in Canada) often when I was growing up. She scrubbed my ears when they were dirty, and even when they weren't; she tried to teach me to knit; she loved watching Lawrence Welk--so we all watched it with her; she always brought us tins of cookies, and she loved me and my sisters and brother.
     Grandma was in her 80's when she she died, and her death and funeral were hard on me, but I made it through and have enjoyed many years of wonderful memories of Grandma Catzman.  In high school I had teacher and a fellow high school student who were killed in a canoeing accident. That was a difficult  funeral to attend, but I remember thinking that I needed to pay my respects rather than stay home and avoid the pain.  Later  in life I had other hard funerals to attend--my father's, my father-in-law's, and all my grandparents. My own children have faced very difficult funerals. Two years ago, a young lady from our church and my kid's high school was killed in a skiing accident. Just over a year ago, my youngest son who had just turned 12, lost a good buddy to tragic circumstances. Our family attended those funerals together, and my husband and I were able to support our kids, and our kids were able to support each other during those difficult services.
     I wouldn't begin to tell anyone at what age they should take their children to a funeral--much of that will need to be determined by the maturity level of the child.  I am glad my 12-year-old was able to attend his friend's funeral. It was one of the hardest funerals I have ever attended, but my husband and I were able to support the family of the boy, and we were able to support Keith. I don't know that anyone every really attains "closure," but a funeral does give one the sense of the end of the death process and beginning of a new reality of life without that person.
     Death is a part of life, and death is inevitable.  Grandparents are going to die. Friends are going to die. As frightening as the prospect may be, parents or siblings may even die.  When our former president George W. Bush was  7 years old, his 3 year-old sister, Robin, was diagnosed with leukemia.  George's parents lived in Midland, Texas at the time, but wanted to get the best health care possible for their little, blond, curly-haired daughter, so they took her to New York City for 6 months. During that time George's father shuttled back and forth from Midland to New York, but other than one short visit home for Robin and Mrs. Bush, the two of them were absent for the 6 month period. Six months after little Robin was diagnosed with cancer, she lost her battle. George W. Bush remembers seeing his parents pull up to the school in the family car. He thought he could see the top of his little sister's head in the back seat, but when he he got into the vehicle his grief-stricken parents broke the news to him that his beloved sister had died. The funeral had already taken place, and she had been buried in Connecticut. In later years, George and Barbara Bush both expressed that they wished they had handled the illness and death of their daughter differently. They wished they had included the their children more. According to Ron Kessler, the author of A Matter of Character (concerning George W. Bush), "Bush was bothered by the fact that, outside their family, no one mentioned Robin and her death. As he would later in life, Bush liked to confront issues."
     As much as we would all like to insulate our kids from the harsh realities of life, when we don't let them confront emotions, we may be stunting their emotional health.  When we challenge our physical bodies by stretching muscles, oftentimes those muscles seem to say to us, "OUCH! You're hurting me."  Now we can take that to mean that we shouldn't exercise anymore or we can realize that if we continue to exercise, the muscles will grow stronger. Our kids can grow stronger spiritually and emotionally if we teach them how to handle their emotions.
     One of the hardest situations that my husband and I have ever had to deal with was the loss of Keith's friend last year.  My heart told me that a 12-year-old shouldn't have to deal with the death of a friend. Reality told me, "You have to deal with it." We cried with Keith. We let Keith talk. We encouraged Keith to talk to his friends at school. The teachers at the school were amazing. They let the kids talk and grieve.  Just a few weeks ago, Keith went with me to pick up some folks for church, as we pulled up to the stop sign, Keith said with tears in his eyes, "I miss __."
     "I know, Keith. Do you think about him a lot?" Keith nodded his head yes while his eyes filled with tears. "What do you miss most about him?" Keith went on to tell me some of the wonderful qualities of his good friend.
     Funerals are hard. Death is hard. Life is hard. God is good. I want to give my kids the opportunity to grow strong. I want to snatch those occasions when life throws the curve balls to teach my kids about Heaven, about life, about death, about eternity. I need them to know that we won't always understand why things happen but that God is always in control, and He loves us no matter what. Being a parent isn't easy, and some times are harder than others, but we need to always use the moments of deep emotion to teach, to love, and to connect to our kids.