"The Silent Treatment" and Christians

                       

I have had the idea rattling around in this head of mine about writing an article on "the silent treatment." I've started writing the article several times, but I feel like I'm just dancing around the subject instead of getting straight to the point; so I'm just going to go straight to the point--I'm tired of seeing "mature" Christian women (and sometimes men) give other mature Christians the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, or whatever you would like to call it. I do not understand why not speaking to our sisters in Christ when we are angry, hurt, upset, jealous, confused, etc. seems to be an acceptable form of behavior in most churches. Please, don't fool yourself. "The silent treatment" is far from acceptable according to...God's Word.

James 1:19-22  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:  For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God. Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.  But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

According to these verses in James, we as mature Christians, are not to let wrath, which is internal seething anger, boil and fester inside ourselves. In most church settings, yelling and telling people off is considered at unacceptable, so "good" Christians learn to internalize their anger, and they have led themselves to believe that not speaking to those they are frustrated with is acceptable.  What has happened to conducting ourselves in the manner of Ephesians 4:32?   And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.  So many Christians are good at following the rules of their church, but they have forgotten to apply such simple truths as Ephesians 4:32.  What good does wearing a long skirt, buttoning the top button, working on a bus route, working the altar on a Sunday morning do, if we are not applying the most basic truths of God's Word to our lives?  We must not fool ourselves into believing that we are good because we are outwardly modest or busy at church. Real Christianity starts in the heart with the simple, basic truths that are taught to our children:

be kind

have a tender heart towards people

forgive

So when James 1:22 says to be "doers of the word," I'm pretty sure that doesn't only refer to being modest and being a soul winner.  I'm not downplaying either of those qualities, but the REAL works of God take place in the heart and are manifested outwardly. Being kind is something you DO. Having a tender heart should be something that is DONE not just felt. "Forgive" is an ACTION. 

Don't fool yourself into believing you are good because you follow the rules. Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" We all have wicked hearts that fool us into into thinking "I am good"; "I am better than others"; "My behavior is acceptable as long as I am going to church, reading my Bible, etc."  

Ask the Holy Spirit to make you sensitive to your treatment of other Christians. Sincerely search your heart to see if your spirit is judgmental. When you sense that you are guilty of mistreating your sister's in Christ, don't try to justify your behavior--it's time to hit the altar and change the attitude. Learn to say, "I'm sorry," even if you are not sure that you have offended someone, and realize when you are falling into the trap of emotionally abusing people, because that's what the silent treatment is.

Note to Self

                                James 1:19 says, "...let every man be 
                                     swift to hear,    

                                    slow to speak, 

                                    slow to wrath."

 Reminder to Self:
1. "Swift to hear"--Read my Bible with understanding and listen to the preaching with a heart that is willing to accept truth. Apply the truth's of God's Word to my life.
2. "Slow to speak"--THINK before I say it! Proverbs 2:23 says, "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles."
3. "Slow to *wrath"--Give people the benefit of the doubt; that will keep me from passing judgement and jumping to conclusions.  

THIS is DEEP Christianity!

*wrath- Inner, deep resentment that seethes and smoulders. 

Genuine Words From the Heart

I took this picture with my little Kodak digital camera at Mt. Vernon

 Let your words be the genuine picture of your heart.

 ~John Wesley

We probably shouldn't always be genuine. Sometimes we are genuinely grumpy or genuinely too opinionated or genuinely bitter.  When those times arise, our best option is to remain quiet and seek the Lord. The book of Psalms has a nice way of reminding us where we should be in our walk with God:

            Psalm 51:12 Restore unto me the JOY of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

When our joy is restored, then our words can be uplifting, helpful, sweet, and genuine. 

Ways to Make God a Part of Our Public Conversation

 I mentioned in a previous blog that I have been feeling convicted about my lack of sharing God with the public at large. I have brainstormed to find ways in which I could be more effective talking about God in my everyday dealings. So here are my ideas:

1. When talking about beautiful weather, give God the credit.

2. If you find a good deal while shopping, tell the cashier or anyone who will listen the blessing you received.

3. When going to the doctor or the dentist, thank them for the work they did to make you feel better. Tell them them that they were a blessing to you.

4. Find things to be thankful for while in public and then mention it to someone along the way. Find ways to give God the glory.

5. If you have an answer to prayer, share it with everyone--even those strangers you meet along the way. When I first got my own office at Hyles-Anderson College, I did not have a desk. I prayed for a desk for a few months, and then one day I found a beautiful desk by the road. When I got out to look at it, the man who it belonged to came over and said, "It was my daughter's, but you can have it." I was so excited about this answer to prayer, that I couldn't keep it to myself. I told the man how excited I was that God had answered my prayer. The man was so happy for me that he even loaded the desk in his truck and took it to my college office for me!


Maybe you have some ways that you could add to this list. I would love to hear your stories about how you have let people know you are a Christian and how you glorify God while out in public.

I Can Tell You're a Christian!

     My husband and I were graciously invited to spend a couple of carefree, lovely days at a resort condominium with my brother-in-law and sister-in-law, Keith and Tracy. The resort was in Ramona, CA near San Diego. I thought my camera batteries were all freshly charged, but they were dead--unfortunately-- so no pictures! That's okay though; I still have my beautiful memories!
     Daryl and I stopped at Burlington Coat Factory (I love that store) on the way home yesterday. I was standing in line waiting to purchase my items, and another lady came up next to me with a cart loaded with a couple of comforters. She said, "I got carried away the other day and bought all this stuff, but when I got home I prayed, 'Lord, do I really need all this?' and He said, 'No,' so I'm returning it."  She had such a joyful way of speaking about her little talk with God.

     I asked her, "Are you a Christian?"

     "Oh, yes! You're one too, aren't you? I could just tell by your beautiful smile," she responded.

     We spoke for a few more moments about our churches and our children and then parted ways.

     The Holy Spirit has really been convicting me lately about my speech when I am out in public. The lady I had just met said she knew I was a Christian by my smile, and I'm glad she thought that, but the real give away was the way she mentioned praying about her purchases! I knew she was a Christian because she so easily mentioned God!
     In the times in which we live, it is common to hear God cursed, Jesus Christ cursed, all types of sins are discussed openly, but how will people know who I am if I keep silent about the One who died for me?

     Matthew 26:73 And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee.

     If people are to know that I am a Christian, they will know by my words. God, please allow my light to shine by my behavior, by my deeds, and  by my words!

No Gossip Zone-Part IV

     I hadn't planned on adding a Part IV, but then of course one more thought concerning this issue passed through my head. I have a question which is as much to me as it is to anyone else--why is it okay to say negative things about husbands, kids, parents, sisters, brothers, or other family members when we wouldn't say the same things about other people. Example: "I can't believe my son got an 'F' in science" or "I can't believe my husband didn't buy me a card for Valentine's day" or "My mom and I just don't get along" or "If I were in charge, my grandkids would never get away with that behavior." The people whom we should protect and build are torn down in the sight of others when we give away these little nuggets of "nobodies business." I'm not really sure why this type of talk is so common and so easy fall into, but I do know that this talk is not pleasing to God, and it definitely would not be pleasing for our family members if they only knew the negative things that were being said about them by the ones who should love them most. How would you feel if you knew your family members told people how you didn't keep the laundry done or how you snapped at them when you were tired or how you couldn't keep the checkbook balanced or a myriad of other things you do wrong. I know how I would feel--betrayed and humiliated!  This is what God's Word says about our words- "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." Instead of using our words to defeat, humiliate, embarrass, discourage and give to death to those we love, let's work hard to build, encourage, uplift, and give life to our loved ones. We as women hold the keys as to how others see those whom we love. If we want to respect our husbands as we should, we should first of all use respectful words when speaking about them. There are some things that should stay in the family--it's family business and does not need to broadcast to our friends. Always keep in mind how you would feel if something similar was told about you--remember "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"!

No Gossip Zone-Part III

The last point in the definition of gossiping was "running from place to place and tattling." Have you ever been watching a child that goes into tattle tale mode? Usually when we think of tattling we think of children because tattling is a sign of immaturity.
 

I Corinthians 13:5-Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;


     Little children can be easily provoked and easily offended. A mature Christian should not be easily provoked, easily disturbed, or easily offended. A mature Christian woman will take her offenses to the One who really can help her overcome those awful, negative feelings. Maybe a brother or sister in the church has embarrassed you or humiliated you; if that is the case, take it to God. God understands and already knows every feeling that is going on in side of you. You can't hide anything from God, so why not just pour out every emotion you are feeling to Him?
     My husband and I are both strong believers in having counselors, but a counselor should be not be a family member or even a friend. A spiritual counselor should be someone who is not a novice as far as the Word of God is concerned. A counselor should have decades of experience as a Christian and should hopefully be someone who has had experience counseling on spiritual matters. When it comes to dealing with being offended by a fellow church member, we should never go to another fellow church member for spiritual counseling--that is tattling and that is gossip!

I Peter 3:10-For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:

Psalms 52:2-Thy tongue deviseth mischiefs; like a sharp razor, working deceitfully.

Jeremiah 9:8-Their tongue is as an arrow shot out; it speaketh deceit: one speaketh peaceably to his neighbour with his mouth, but in heart he layeth his wait.

We must learn to control that littlest of our bodliy members--our tongues.  So much damage and so much divisiveness can be cause by our words.

This is a pretty common story, but it does illustrate the damage that gossip causes:

     There is a 19th century folktale about a young fellow who went about town slandering the town’s wise man. One day, he went to the wise man’s home and asked for forgiveness. The wise man, realizing that this man had not internalized the gravity of his transgressions, told him that he would forgive him on one condition: that he go home, take a feather pillow from his house, cut it up, and scatter the feathers to the wind. After he had done so, he should then return to the wise man’s house.
     Though puzzled by this strange request, the young man was happy to be let off with so easy a penance. He quickly cut up the pillow, scattered the feathers, and returned to the house.
     “Am I now forgiven?” he asked.
     “Just one more thing,” the wise man said. “Go now and gather up all the feathers.”
     “But that’s impossible. The wind has already scattered them.”
     “Precisely,” he answered. “And though you may truly wish to correct the evil you have done, it is as impossible to repair the damage done by your words as it is to recover the feathers. Your words are out there in the marketplace, spreading hate, even as we speak.”

    What a great example of the damage that gossip does! I do not claim to be perfect in this area of controlling my tongue. My flesh is sinful and weak; I often have days in which I start off surrendering my will to God's will, but then become discouraged when I lose control of my tongue. In case you are ever with my and hear me gossip, I want you to know up front--I am a hypocrite, but I am a hypocrite who seeks the Holy Spirit's guidance in my life. Until the day I go to Heaven, I know that I will have to live my life on my knees begging God to live through me! 
     

A Word Fitly Spoken

Proverbs  25:11 says, A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.  I taught English for 9 years, so when I see this verse in Proverbs, I automatically see that it is a simile; the verse is making a comparison using the word "as."  When similes and metaphors are used in scripture, it is because God is trying to relate His words to our world. He uses comparisons that we can understand if we will think about what He is saying. The apple is one of the most common fruits available to mankind, so most people can readily picture an apple. Then God says that the apples we are to picture are golden apples framed and surrounded by silver--again he uses two precious, beautiful metals that are commonly known to help us relate to His Word. Could you imagine the kind of home in which such a beautiful piece of art would hang? The picture being made of gold and silver must be valuable, so the home in which it hangs must be a sight to see! God says that our words are like this fine picture--valuable and beautiful.  And what about the vessel from which these words come forth?  God sees us as being more beautiful when we are speaking appropriate, beneficial words.
     This week, Daryl and I received many such words. We were strengthened and made healthy in our in our spirits due to many kind letters, phone calls, Facebook messages, and face-to-face words we received. God's Word gives much credence to the words we speak. I thank and praise my God for showering us with words that became blessings to us this week, and I thank all of those who used their words to be a blessing to us!